My Jeans Are Done and My Wallet is Empty

I have a problem: My jeans are nearly worn through. 

There is very nearly a hole in the thighs! While the rest of them are a beautiful deep blue, the seat is nearly white. I'd say there's 2-3 more wears outta them, if I'm lucky.

These are the only jeans I currently possess. I put my entire wardrobe into 40kg when we moved to Ireland, at least 1kg of which was scarves, and another 5kg I'd say was shoes, and this collection entailed only one pair of jeans.

I got this pair of jeans after I got married mid 2017. I'm thankful my marriage isn't as perishable as my jeans, although my husband is showing signs of wear and tear as well - 2018 was intense, and this year is not proving much more relaxing, despite only having work as a continuous commitment, and only 30 hours or so of it at that, for me.

Part of the reason I only have 1 pair of jeans is a self-inflicted poverty. Jared and I met in 2015, we've bought a house, renovated that house, and had a wedding in another country, as well as a ten day cruise honeymoon, then moved overseas while having a holiday on the way. Some of that was saved for, some of that was Kiwisaver, some was inheritance, some of that was debt. Turns out when you're doing big life changing milestone things like getting married and buying a house, it consumes your entire disposable income. There is therefore a hiatus on life-changing milestones for the next while.

We had a brief beautiful debt free period where neither of us had any debt between June-December 2015, and we were living in a shitty cold flat that was only $140/week, and clearing $70k between us after tax, and those 6 months were lovely, we saved heaps and had an amazing trip on the Gold Coast, both of us splurging on new clothes, which we still have now, tho they're looking a little worse for wear.

My 40kgs worth of clothes that I bought here, most of them I got at second hand shops, and most were purchased between 2-5 years ago now. I must say, in March when I went to a group interview and compared my attire to my competitors, they looked more qualified for the job than I, based on their clothing alone. I brought the best clothes I had with me, but they weren't new when we arrived, and I've been wearing the same clothes on repeat since Dec 2018 now. 

About a month after we got married, I took my first pay and spent about $500 in one day on new jeans, a decent jacket and a merino wool dress. These brand new jeans, that made me feel slim and sexy, figure hugging boot leg jeans that I could dress up or down, and they looked good!

And now they're nearly worn out. We're still paying off the credit card, cos the US was really expensive, then moving to Ireland was really expensive for the first 6 weeks until J's first pay. Setting up a new apartment on a NZ credit card when you're paying in Euros is brutal. 

We could've finished paying it off awhile ago if we lived somewhere less awesome or if we'd not gone away with Brendon while he was here or if we'd not gone out to the movies that time and that time and that time.... The austerity measures have been pretty lax really. 

But you have to live. And what kind of precedent does it set if people come from the other side of the world to see us and we say we can't afford to hang out with them? How can we admit that hanging out with someone for a weekend financially crippled us for the rest of the month?

We have, for most of this year, been living just over the bread line, but still acting as though we're raking it in. Date nights, weekends in London, going out for dinner on a whim. Are these things unreasonable?

And that's the disconnect. We would really like to live as though we're raking it in, but we can't because we aren't. We are renters, and currently paying 40% of our not-insubstantial income on rent. I can't help being a bit angry about that.

I have a few case studies to compare my plight to - an Irish scientist who moved to Canada, a Scottish builder who moved to New Zealand, and ourselves. All three of those examples have involved professional people moving to similar countries, finding jobs in their field and being paid much less. Is this the fault of their new host country, or is this just about coming in last and having to stand for a bit because the nice chairs are already taken? 

Is the lot of immigrants to earn less while having to pay out more because you don't have the accent, the skin colour, the background, the knowledge, the connections, to get the good job? As an immigrant, I'm sure you can work your way up, but it probably doesn't happen the second you walk off the plane. 

I'm not really sure.

But, I do know this: all of our financial eggs are in the Irish basket, and to all the people who are missing us and saying we should come home - unless you're paying for the tickets, we won't be able to afford it before Christmas next year. 

I have tried to reflect and ponder - is our lifestyle really so excessive? Are we more indulgent than I realise? What are other people doing differently that makes it look like they have so much more disposable income than us? How do other people travel and not break the bank? 

I've concluded that we don't actually suck at budgeting or that we live in crazy indulgence. Sure there's heaps of little things we could do to save money, but is getting a coffee every day so crazy? 1 bottle of wine a week is hardly excessive. Going out for a meal once a week shouldn't be the make or break of a budget. Our purpose in being here is to travel, and if we can't actually afford to do that, what the fuck are we doing here?

The only answer seems to be move to a small town, or increase our income by doing something like sneakily getting someone into our second room against our landlord's wishes. 

I look at what we're able to afford just for ourselves, and wonder how on earth we'd ever be able to afford to have children. It feels like we can barely feed ourselves, and it feels pitiable and pathetic to admit it, like crying poor little rich kid. 

I can't believe how difficult this year has been financially, but our trouble absolutely pales in comparison to the people who come here as English language students, or from non-English speaking countries, or God help them, refugees or asylum seekers. The government assistance here is very meager in the face of pretty much the same prices as New Zealand, but in Euros. No wonder there are homeless people on every street corner in Dublin.

And what is the cause of this? Nearly everyone that we've spoken to in Dublin has said that the landlords are responsible for the crazy rent prices here, and that there's now fewer and fewer business start ups because people simply can't afford to lease space for things like art studios or zero waste shops or cool quirky start ups. I'd love to hear from a landlord as to the price justification, because so far the only justification I've heard is that 'the demand is there'. 

I know as a landlady currently, despite asking for really high rent, we still have to subsidise it from here (further compounding our financial woes), and that those are real costs - rates, mortgage, insurance, life insurance, property managers etc etc. But given the insane percentage of increase in prices for rent here (and in NZ) I do not think all of those can be accounted for by cost increases for all the landlords. 

At least for us, my teaching registration is being processed, and there's a teacher shortage here too, so hopefully a lot of demand for day relief teachers, so there is at least a hope of further income, which many others do not have. 

But what happens as a society when the middle class who are earning a decent whack of money are spending it all on basic necessities instead of entertainment, hobbies, eating out, travelling? What then? If there is no middle class who are spending money on day to day life stuff, how many businesses start folding then? If there is no middle class spending time and money on hobbies, then surely art, craft, sport all suffer? There has to be a tipping point soon, because those working currently can't sustain life on the meager wages given while simultaneously paying out insane amounts in rent, and actually create another generation with economic, emotional, educational, cultural success. The equation just doesn't add up. 

Every time I have this argument with myself, I'm reminded that renting conditions used to be significantly worse, and the concept of the burgeoning middle class is relatively recent. Just around the corner from us, there's a memorial to a house that use to house 100 people, in Henrietta Street. It is a real life reminder of just how much worse it could be, and has been only 100 years ago, 1 town house turned into 17 flats and each family in a one bedroom apartment with no running water inside the house.

This is what we're trying to move away from, but currently if I had to live here alone, I'd be sharing a house because there's no way I could afford a one bedroom apartment in Dublin by myself. It would be literally my entire paycheck to pay for rent and get to and from work.  I will concede, the calibre of that would-be flat is so vastly better than in times past - running water - hot and cold! Internet, electricity, lush furniture, TV, laptop, all of these things that are now 'necessary' to every day life. Our framework of what is normal has escalated an awful lot in the last century. 

There's a lot of talk about how difficult millenials have it, and it is tough trying to financially get ahead, but has it always been hard? I tried that argument on my uncle awhile back and he was saying that when he bought a house in Palmerston North in the 70s, the interest was 20% or so on an amount somewhere near $30 000, but he was an apprentice and earning $4 a week or something insane, and his income was barely more than his mortgage payments. Obviously he made it work somehow, he didn't enlighten me as to how, and I'd speculate he certainly doesn't have that problem anymore.

Fastforward to today, and not so long ago we had a 6 figure mortgage at 5%, a personal loan at 12% for work we were doing to said house, a credit card at 20% and student loans for both of us as well. Do I hear his point? Yea.... but no?

When we say get ahead, we're comparing back one, maybe two, generations, and is that enough of a comparison for it to be valid? When we say get ahead, what are we getting ahead of, or who? Because alas this doesn't happen in a vacuum. There is usually a human cost to your getting ahead.

In a perfect world, I would really rather get out than get ahead. Buy a campervan (electric perhaps?), and cruise around the countryside, working remotely. Buy a random block of land in the middle of nowhere for next to nothing and build a shack on it, make it self sufficient with solar panels and tank water, an epic garden etc etc. But most of those things are predicated upon the assumption of space available and capital available for such investments. Without those things, you're stuck doing the same ole. 

I remember my boss in Laos saying to me 'the Western countries haven't realised yet that in order to develop third world countries, it will come with a cost to them, it will mean that they have to forego some things in order for these countries to develop'. Perhaps this is what we're starting to see? Cheap imports from poor countries are not so cheap anymore, and therefore we must pay more and more for them. Does this apply here? I'm not sure. But I know my budget is tight enough to make me angry, and it feels really good to get angry at someone. I think that is the appeal of the hatred towards Wall Street, and the 1% it represents. 

I feel poor and I am angry.

Those sentiments have been the rumblings of political unrest, and ultimately war, in times past. The current social situation now is very similar to what it was 100 years ago in terms of economic difficulty and those difficulties being blamed on immigrants. That was the German story at least - those rich Jews are taking all our jobs, and all our money, let's get 'em. My inner socialist then says there should be a few more Robin Hood type taxes to stave that off.

I am educated, I have a career, a good job, a husband who is also educated and has a good job and I am still touch-and-go as to whether or not to eat in or dine out this week, or to spend 20 euro on a new pillow. 

For us, these feelings of poverty are just that. Feelings. I don't think in any real sense we could be classed as actually poor. Where have these expectations come from that it's OK, normal even, to go out once a week, to have international holidays multiple times a year, as well as living in a nice apartment and eating? Are these so unrealistic? I would say this is from movies, TV, generations past, but I think the more profound one is social media, and watching everyone else doing it, then trying to keep up. Our friends are doing these things, and we basically can't afford to keep up with the Jones'

So perhaps some of this comes down to financial priorities. It's not so much that we can't afford it, it's just that it's not a financial priority right now. Jeans aren't even close to top of the list. Debt is. Rent is, for obvious reasons. Exploring Ireland is, and socialising to make new friends is. Things like jeans? Well they've kind of fallen by the wayside, along with a keep cup for Jared, non-plastic drink bottles, a decent raincoat for either of us, a bike..... the list is long and expensive. I mean extensive.

But hopefully, maybe, if I'm lucky, by January, more jeans will be a financial priority.

What do you think? Is immigrant poverty a reality? Are millenials actually worse off financially than the previous generation or is that just rhetoric? I'd be interested to know your thoughts.

UPDATE: RIP jeans, thank you for your service. 06.08.2017 - 02.10.2019