 |
| 7 Classic Story Types |
At the heart of stories are character. When you're creating a story, you need a good main character. Someone plucky, pithy and just a little bit pathetic. They need to have a fault or two so people can relate to them, and there's nothing quite as irresistible as an underdog to cheer on.
I think about some characters that I adore - David Copperfield from A Personal History of David Copperfield to Jamil Malik from Slumdog Millionaire, Jo March from Little Women to Bilbo Baggins from the Hobbit, Iron Man from the Avengers to Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice, Simba in the Lion King, to that blue-faced guy in Braveheart. We adore them, we resonate with them, we see ourselves in them; they inspire the best in us.
Do you know what all of these characters have in common?
None of these stories happened while the characters stayed at home and did nothing. Even Elizabeth went to other people's houses and lounged about for parts of her story. Stories are limited when you have to stay inside. I feel your current pain. Presently, our individual stories are paused. We are limited to being passive spectators of a much bigger part of history unfolding rather than people with agency in our own lives, but only for a little while. We are part of a much larger story of how the world will get through this particular crisis, but that's another subject for another time.
Having written his memoirs about how he grappled with his fatherless childhood, he is approached to help turn his book into a movie. Screenwriting is very different from novel writing, and there is a much greater focus on story arcs, character development and action. This book follows the author as he learns about the necessary elements of storytelling, and how he applied that to his personal life during the process of creating the screen play.
I would like to share with you lessons I learned about writing the story of your life from Donald Miller.
1. Your Character Has To Want Something
“The ambitions we have will become the stories we live. If you want to know what a person’s story is about, just ask them what they want. If we don’t want anything, we are living boring stories, and if we want a Roomba vaccum cleaner, we are living stupid stories. If it won’t work in a story, it won’t work in life.”
Classically, in stories, characters need to want something. They need to want it badly enough that they're willing to persevere through some pretty horrific experiences, and still pursue their object of desire. The more the character wants the thing, the better the story is. The more obstacles they overcome, the better a story it becomes.
We all know Frodo Baggins and his quest to get the One Ring to Mordor and destroy it, right? He wanted to be rid of that thing so badly. He had to finish; giving up wasn't an option. He sacrificed everything to get it there. It was tremendously difficult, and he had lots of conflicts and obstacles along the way.
That story is loved the world over, not because some piece of metal made it to the volcano, but because it represents the triumph over Ringwraiths, Balroks, Trolls, cold, battles, possessed people, all over the forces of evil, and the trickery of Smeagol/Gollum, and ultimately over themselves as they transform from scared little Hobbits to brave warriors. The wanting to complete the quest is greater than any of the obstacles that stands in their way. As Frodo and Sam succeed, good triumphs over evil, and our faith in the world is restored.
Sometimes you can be part of a great adventure without wanting to. Sometimes you want to and don't really know where to start.
Sometimes you're busy wanting a Roomba, to get your roots died, and a manicure.
What do you want?
Is it worthy of being wanted?
Nothing wrong with Roombas, but if that's your highest ambition, take a look around. Evil is on the brink of triumphing over good around basically every corner, and you're waxing lyrical over a Roomba?
What do you really want?
I must confess I'm at the stage of my story where I have everything I thought I wanted, and now I need to think about what's next. I don't have the answers just yet, but they're slowly formulating. My problem is I have too many competing wants - environmentalism, teaching, coding, travelling, a social life. Can I have all of those? Watch this space.
2. Problems are Necessary
“A character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it
is the basic structure of a good story.”
is the basic structure of a good story.”
“The principle that characters do not want to change applies to more than just fiction.”
Change is a fact of life, right? But we usually despise and avoid change. We cling to sameness and routine in order to maintain some kind of homeostasis. The problem with this is nothing is static, and we, like water, if we're still for too long, grow stagnant.
In storytelling, the bigger the problem, the better the story. Characters are flung outside of their comfort zone through choices they, or others, have made.
“The inciting incident is how you get characters to do something. It's the doorway through which they can't return, you know. The story takes care of the rest.”
When I read the Hobbit, I was always taken aback by how reticent Bilbo was to go on an adventure. I thought it was really strange that you would not be curious, or excited, to go and see what was beyond the edges of the Shire. Adventures looked fun and glamorous, full of excitement and novelty!
I think now that I have seen what is beyond the edges of my Shire, I can understand his reticence. There are problems out there, and when you're in the thick of it, it is deeply uncomfortable facing them. Watching someone else's story doesn't prepare you for the chaffing between your thighs when you've walked all day, or for the gut-wrenching fear of the unknown, for the confusion of not being able to find the new place you need to find, or the exhaustion that all this adventure comes with. There is no mute, pause or power off. There is no escape, tea breaks or return any time soon.
In fact, there's usually more than one problem in order to make a good story. And the problems get bigger as you go on, until you reach the climax, everything comes to a head and it is do or die.
This is usually when your character has to make a choice. Take the easy way out, or fight?
Why is all of this conflict necessary?
“Writing a story isn’t about making your peaceful fantasies come true. The whole point of the story is the character arc. You didn’t think joy could change a person, did you? Joy is what you feel when the conflict is over. But it’s conflict that changes a person.” His voice was like thunder now. “You put your characters through hell. You put them through hell. That’s the only way we change.”
“Life no longer felt meaningless. It felt stressful and terrifying, but it definitely didn't feel meaningless.”
Your conflicts could range from 'where are my keys' to 'what am I even doing here?', but life is full of them. How you react to them can make or break your story. As Brené Brown says 'lean into the discomfort' and see what the conflict is trying to teach you.
A source of conflict in our story of living in Ireland has been my professional quandary, and the resulting drop in salary. Does that mean I should give up on pivoting my career and immediately go back to teaching? No, I don't think so. There's a new chapter ahead, I just haven't fully figured out what it is yet, and at the moment, I feel like I'd be short changing my story if I didn't at least entertain alternatives.
3. The Greater the Stakes, the Greater the Story
“If you watched a movie about a guy who wanted a Volvo and worked for years to get it, you wouldn’t cry at the end when he drove off the lot, testing the windshield wipers.
You wouldn’t tell your friends you saw a beautiful movie or go home and
put a record on to think about the story you’d seen.
The truth is, you wouldn't remember that movie a week later,
except you’d feel robbed and want your money back.
Nobody cries at the end of a movie about a guy who wants a Volvo.
But we spend years actually living those stories, and expect our lives to be meaningful.
The truth is, if what we choose to do with our lives won't make a story meaningful,
it won’t make a life meaningful either”
The truth is, if what we choose to do with our lives won't make a story meaningful,
it won’t make a life meaningful either”
I think this is true - to a certain degree. You can have entertaining or ridiculous stories about wanting a Volvo. One of the purest examples of this is the movie Bad Teacher, where the main character really wants a boob job, and is willing to do anything to get it. Comedies are full of people who want ridiculous things, but are willing to go above and beyond to get them.
However, if an epic, meaningful life is what you're after, then you need to be aiming for epic, meaningful things.
I think there is something within each of us that yearns to be part of something more meaningful than just ourselves and our flaccid desires.
So I guess this is the part where you decide if you're in a comedy or an epic saga - remembering that some of life's greatest lessons can be learned through silliness, and even epic sagas have their comic relief.
4. The Higher the Risk, the Higher the Reward.
“[He] said he didn't think we should be afraid to embrace whimsy.
I asked him what he meant by whimsy, and he struggled to define it.
He said it's that nagging idea that life could be magical;
it could be special if we were only willing to take a few risks.”
In this book, Don had been pussyfooting around trying to get this girl to go out with him, and eventually took up cycling and spent 40 days cycling across America so he could spend time with her. They went on a few dates. It didn't work out, but he took a risk. He also met another girl along the way. They went on a few dates. That didn't work out either. But now he was getting better at taking risks, and willing to give something of himself to make his story worthwhile.
If you're stuck in your tiny same-samey life, then it'll be a case of 'if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten. And that's the stagnant thing we spoke of before.
The difference between you and carefully crafted stories on the silver screen is you don't know how many false starts and re-writes they had to do to get that version that you are watching. It will be risky, it will be messy, it might suck a little, but do it anyway!
Go out on a limb - that's where the fruit is, right?
Ok I'm done with platitudes for now.
This leads into another magnificent byproduct. When you are developing your own story, it is magnetic, and you will attract others who are also developing theirs. You will not have time for drama, because you know what you want and you're too busy trying to get it so you don't have time to be a bit-part in someone else's story, or worse - an antagonist.
We came to Ireland with nothing, the clothes in our suitcase, a trusty game of The Great Dalmuti and barely enough money to get an apartment. We knew no one, we knew nothing about the place, but we knew that if we could survive the first year, then we'd probably be OK. The first year was up on Feb 16 2020. Schools in Ireland were shut down from the pandemic on March 13, and we've both been home since then.
Our current hurdle is a big one, and it does beg the question of whether or not we will rewrite the story. So far, we're still OK. We both have jobs, and having piked early from Laos and having still a little bit of residual FOMO around that, I'm keen to stick it out here and see Europe - even if we have to wait until next year.
5. There Needs To Be a Character Arc
“If the point of life is the same as the point of a story, the point of life is character transformation.
If I got any comfort as I set out on my first story, it was that in nearly every story,
the protagonist is transformed.
He's a jerk at the beginning and nice at the end, or a coward at the beginning and brave at the end.
If the character doesn't change, the story hasn't happened yet.
And if story is derived from real life,
if story is just condensed version of life then
life itself may be designed to change us so that
we evolve from one kind of person to another. ”
If I got any comfort as I set out on my first story, it was that in nearly every story,
the protagonist is transformed.
He's a jerk at the beginning and nice at the end, or a coward at the beginning and brave at the end.
If the character doesn't change, the story hasn't happened yet.
And if story is derived from real life,
if story is just condensed version of life then
life itself may be designed to change us so that
we evolve from one kind of person to another. ”
Whether your story is more like a TV series, full of lots of little lessons and character iterations, or yours is more like a novel-level major character overhaul, your life will have a character arc. (Beware: The antagonist also has a character arc.) Some people's story leads them away from being nice guys to being assholes.
The beauty of knowing this is that you get to choose which kind of character you want to be, because instead of just getting wiped out in the tsunami of life, you now have a surfboard of knowledge, and can go hang 10, baby.
If you let it happen to you, then you become the victim of your story, this is usually where we get into the realm of the tragedy. The tragic characters that could never quite get out of their own way, and are doomed to their bit part in their own story.
Othello is caught in a web of deceit by Iago about his wife having an affair, and jumps to conclusions rather than actually talking about the problem, and ends up murdering his darling.
Ty in the Almighty Johnsons is secretly the Norse God Hod, god of all things dark and cold, and accidentally gives the woman of his dreams hypothermia when sleeping next to her. He then takes charge and dies to relinquish himself of his Hod personification, and is brought back to life, but then his lover has forgotten who he is. (If you haven't yet watched the Almighty Johnsons then it's on TVNZ on demand, and that is a conflict in your story that should definitely be resolved.)
While it is heart breaking to watch, it is even more heart breaking to be that character. Generally, if there is tragedy in our lives, it only for a time, unless we are the authors of our own demise.
As a teen, I watched in horror as my parents' marriage imploded. A small silver lining from that is that I then spent my 20s reading every book and listening to every piece of advice I could about how to avoid having my marriage do the same. 5 years with Jared, and nearly 3 years married it's really too soon to say, but the story is looking like a happy ending so far.
6. The Main Character Has to Make Some Choices
“I've wondered, though, if one of the reasons we fail to acknowledge
the brilliance of life is because we don't want
the responsibility inherent in the acknowledgement.
We don't want to be characters in a story because
characters have to move and breathe and face conflict with courage.
And if life isn't remarkable, then we don't have to do any of that;
we can be unwilling victims instead of grateful participants.”
the brilliance of life is because we don't want
the responsibility inherent in the acknowledgement.
We don't want to be characters in a story because
characters have to move and breathe and face conflict with courage.
And if life isn't remarkable, then we don't have to do any of that;
we can be unwilling victims instead of grateful participants.”
That's not the only choice you have though.
As every twist and turn in the story of your life unfolds, you get to choose if you will rise to the challenge, heed the call, take up the mantle. What matters to you? Does your character care about a cause? Do you want to adopt stray cats? Are you all about ending extreme poverty? What about helping with domestic violence? Are you spurring others on to achieve their dreams, while watching yours fade away? Do you have a great idea to transform into a revolutionary invention, or business to start or quest to go on? You get to decide what kind of character you will be, and you have great influence over how your story is written.
It is OK to be best supporting actor for a time - we all need our trusty side-kicks - but if you're always in that role, check yourself. You have your own story to tell, your own dreams you want to pursue. If the person who you are playing 2IC to isn't willing to also do the same for you, then it might be time to find a better trusty side-kick.
Don't be afraid to be your own leading character.
7. Having Your Own Story Stops You From Being Victim to Someone Else's Plot Choice
The book begins with him talking to another friend about this idea of story, about working towards something, and the lack of purpose that comes from living a storyless life.
He, his wife and their two teenage kids were living the classic white-picket-fence-suburban-dream life. He worked a lot, so did his wife. They all went to church as a family, but he discovered that his daughter was sneaking out at night to meet an older guy, going out drinking, smoking and cavorting. He had a fast car, was covered in tats, and exuded arrogant coolness. He was every father's worst nightmare. Not necessarily a bad thing for her, but not ideal for a good Christian girl at age 15. These parents were horrified.
“He thought about the story his daughter was living and the role she was playing inside that story.
He realised he hadn't provided a better role for his daughter.
He hadn't mapped out a story for his family.
And so his daughter had chosen another story,
a story in which she was wanted, even if she was only being used.
In the absence of a family story, she'd chosen a story in which there was risk and adventure,
rebellion and independence.”
He realised he hadn't provided a better role for his daughter.
He hadn't mapped out a story for his family.
And so his daughter had chosen another story,
a story in which she was wanted, even if she was only being used.
In the absence of a family story, she'd chosen a story in which there was risk and adventure,
rebellion and independence.”
“No girl who plays the role of a hero dates a guy who uses her.
She knows who she is. She just forgot for a little while.”
She knows who she is. She just forgot for a little while.”
For me, grief has been quite a difficult plot point to overcome. There were very nearly times where my story was ended because of someone else's storyline. It is particularly at this time of year grief seems most insurmountable. But even after my brother took his own life, I realised there was only so much wallowing on that that I could do. I still had life. I had no intention of squandering it, and I now - rightly or wrongly - feel like I need to pack in two life's worth of living to compensate for what he missed.
8. Good Stories Involve Sacrifice
“It wasn't necessary to win for the story to be great,
it was only necessary to sacrifice everything.”
it was only necessary to sacrifice everything.”
Living your life on purpose, living your life as if you're the hero of your own story changes how you react. The safe road is no longer the best road. We know that the greater the risk, the greater the reward. But it's not only risk. It's also about sacrifice.
Whether you're Aladdin who has to sacrifice his Genie in order to free him, or you're Obi Wan in Star Wars, sacrificing your life to fight Darth Vader, or Mr Darcy sacrificing your dignity in Pride and Prejudice to get the girl, there's an acknowledgement that in order to get what we really want, we're likely to have to give a lot of ourselves in return.
Which sucks. Sacrifice is crappy, and it feels horrible. It often requires discipline and prolonged periods of withdrawal or going without something.
“Here's the truth about telling stories with your life.
It's going to sound like a great idea,
and you're going to get excited about it,
and then when it comes time to do the work,
you're not going to want to do it.
It's like that with writing books, and it's like that with life.
People love to have lived a great story,
but few people like the work it takes to make it happen.
But joy costs pain.”
It's going to sound like a great idea,
and you're going to get excited about it,
and then when it comes time to do the work,
you're not going to want to do it.
It's like that with writing books, and it's like that with life.
People love to have lived a great story,
but few people like the work it takes to make it happen.
But joy costs pain.”
Teachers will understand the sacrifice it takes to become good at teaching, and get your teaching registration. Attaining that teaching registration and creating the discipline needed in myself to lead myself as well as others remains to date the hardest thing I've ever done. Conversely, it is also something that I'm supremely proud of, and despite the bumps along the way, it is one of the core things I look back on very proudly. Teaching is hard at the best of times, and I started in not-the-best-of-circumstances, so to overcome that, to overcome myself in a lot of ways was really rewarding.
9. Smooth Sailing Does Not A Good Story Make
“Robert McKee says humans naturally seek comfort and stability.
Without an inciting incident that disrupts their comfort, they won’t enter into a story.
They have to get fired from their job or be forced to sign up for a marathon.
A ring has to be purchased. A home has to be sold.
The character has to jump into the story, into the discomfort and the fear,
otherwise the story will never happen.”
Much like Bilbo Baggins, so many of us are stuck in our comfortable little lives, with our eyes on the next prize of 'get to Friday, have a sav' or 'Sleep in on Sunday, yaaaas queen' or 'Get the thing done so my boss is off my back', we're blinded by the day-to-day-ness of it all and lose sight of the story.
Or worse, we forget the story, we diminish ourselves to what someone else wants us to have, what's convenient for them.
What a betrayal to yourself!
I've always had an issue with turns of phrase like 'Stay safe', or 'take care'. Safety is important and apparently, I should actively try to not kill the children in my care, but apart from that - you can have safety or you can have a story. If you're focus is on safety, the story is likely to be lame. If your focus is on story, the necessary prerequisite for safety will figure itself out, because you can't finish your story if you're dead. (...or maybe you can, there are quite a few stories that beg to differ - Dead Like Me being one) Stay alive, stay with your story and you'll likely be safe enough.
See, we're left with this dilemma: what do we do with this gift of life? Sequester it in a safe harbour, or sail off into the sunset?
I'm not saying start out as a lonesome novice in a storm. If at all possible take seasoned sailors with you - don't be an idiot - but also know that a story is likely coming for you whether you like it or not, and how epic the tale is entirely depends on how much you embrace it, own it, and author it.
Part of this is you need to stop kneecapping yourself. I, for example, am really good at coming up with brilliant ideas for stories, or bits of poems, or a few scenes from a would-be movie, but I'm rubbish at actually making time to write any of those things down. 'It will never be as good as it sounded in my head when I actually write it out' my inner perfectionist screams. Yea, it probably won't - but that's why writers craft and edit. Create opportunities to set yourself up for risk, for adventure, for success.
10. There is (probably) No Story in Your Comfort Zone
“But the people who took the bus didn't experience the city as we experienced the city.
The pain made the city more beautiful.
The story made us different characters than we would have been
if we had skipped the story and showed up at the ending an easier way.”
The pain made the city more beautiful.
The story made us different characters than we would have been
if we had skipped the story and showed up at the ending an easier way.”
We've actually been doing that a lot recently - exploring locally - and we have discovered some gems!
 |
| Blessington Park is this sneaky secret garden only about 1km away from us |
 |
| East Wall has a lovely walk next to Dublin Bay, with a rather different vantage point than Clontarf across the water |
 |
| Pretty tree reflections |
 |
| Shetland ponies, hanging out in a village green by a set of lights out Finglas ways |
I talked a big game about getting out of my comfort zone when I lived in New Zealand, claiming that my comfort zone was pretty big. Leaving my job and renovating a house for a year were pretty big, but it's been nothing like the cataclysmic challenge that has been getting used to a new city, new country, new career, new culture all at once. It's really disconcerting living outside of your comfort zone for long periods of time. The cocky confidence which once I swaggered around with is largely gone and I'm now left second guessing myself about basically everything.
At some point soon a new normal will emerge, my cocky confidence will likely regenerate, and as the waves of change grow calmer, the new rut will form and I will once again chaff against the confines of it, and ache for novelty again.
 |
| I do not care if you've seen this before - look at it - it is important. |
I think getting out of your comfort zone is often falsely conflated with novelty. Getting outside of your comfort zone is about intention. You do not need to go somewhere new or move countries or even necessarily change jobs or cities or friend groups to get out of your comfort zone.
If you'd really like to test yourself and challenge yourself on all fronts at the same time, then by all means move cities or countries, it will do the job. You don't have to though. Even within your current relationship, your current house, your current job, your current situation there are opportunities for you to push the boundaries.
It's about setting the intention. It's about your mindset. It's about getting outside of yourself and thinking about your situation, reflecting, tweaking and challenging yourself.
11. You Have More Agency Than You Think
“You’re right,” he finally said. “You aren’t living a good story.”
“That’s what I was saying.”
“I see,” he said.
“What do I do about that?”
“You’re a writer. You know what to do.”
“No, I don’t.”
Jordan looked at me with his furrowed brow again.
Jordan looked at me with his furrowed brow again.
“You put something on the page,” he said. “Your life is a blank page. You write on it.”
There's a bunch of character development and exposition that's already done for you. There will be chapters in your life that you aren't proud of. There will be chapters in your life that were written by others and ones you wish you could erase, but here we are. Unfortunately, this is a film-as-you-write story, and there's no space for editing, the only way forward is a better narrative arc, and plot points.
But who will you be in another 5, 10, 20 years time?
You have narrative responsibility going forward. Are you going to be a victim of circumstances or gird yourself with purpose and agency, and take on the world? Shit happens, the question is how will you choose to overcome this? Will it make you bitter or better? How will you tell this story to yourself? How will you tell this story to others? How will you move on?
I cannot find it to save my life, but there was a hilarious meme going around about how if someone goes back in time, they have to be really careful because one false step and they could completely alter the course of history. But in our current lives, we do not give ourselves the same belief that we too could completely change the course of our own lives, let alone the world!
You have profound influence over your life, yet so often the language that we use when we speak about ourselves puts us in a victim mindset - I don't have enough time, I'm not smart enough, I could never do that.
A particular bugbear of mine is when people say that they do not have enough time.
You have exactly the same amount of time as everyone else.
The difference is what you choose to use it for. The difference is intention. I know not everyone's life circumstances are quite so simple and it doesn't always seem like a choice, but it is.
You choose to weave webs of entrapment for yourself with social obligation and busyness. You choose to go for that walk, or do yoga or apply for that job. You choose who you spend time with. You choose what you do each second of each day from dawn until dusk, even if it's habit or autopilot. Start thinking about it like it is a conscious choice, because it is.
If we're not questioning the choices, then chances are we're pretty happy with them, or we've numbed ourselves to the consequences of living an unsatisfying story.
“My uncle told a great story with his life,
but I think there was such a sadness at his funeral because his story wasn't finished.
If you aren't telling a good story, nobody thinks you died too soon;
they just think you died. But my uncle died too soon.”
but I think there was such a sadness at his funeral because his story wasn't finished.
If you aren't telling a good story, nobody thinks you died too soon;
they just think you died. But my uncle died too soon.”
So the question is: what kind of story are you writing with your life?
Obviously, don't feel like you have to come up with an answer today. Today is a day for thinking, and testing the edges of possibilities. Figuring out what you want. And if it's worthy of being wanted. Figuring out what you like. What makes your heart sing. Or perhaps sitting with the conflict and knowing that this too will pass, plotting and planning what you will do when it does.
Life is too precious with too many brilliant people to meet, wonderful things to see and important things to do to simply be treading water until you die. Have you found a cause to get passionate about? Have you got a book being drafted in your head that needs to actually be put into actual words? (That one's for you, Lauren!) Have you got someone you need to reconcile with, a great love to find, a point to prove, a soapbox to stand on, a battle to win?
What story is already itching to be written with the precious days of your life? Is it pithy and risky and bold? Do you smile when you think about what's next? Are you shit-scared? Is it something that you'll reminisce about when you're on your rocking chair at 100, thinking back over your life, remembering the best bits?
You're much more likely to regret the chances you never took than the ones you did.
So where do you start? Here. Now. Start with giving yourself 5 minutes a day to think about your story - if it's that you already have a great story, then give yourself a pat on the back. If it's that you need to start a new chapter, then think about the setting and action in that chapter. If it is that you need to throw out the current book and just start afresh, then by all means, in the bin it goes. If fear is holding you back, maybe tell it to kindly fuck off. Feel the fear and do it anyway. I find if you're a little bit scared, you're heading in the right direction.
It is about doing life on purpose. It is about the difference between the passive voice and the active voice. Is life happening to you, or are you happening to life?
 |
| You even get a bonus English lesson in this - you lucky thing you! |
Is it 'I don't have any money', or is it 'That's not what I choose to do with my money?'
Is it 'I never have any time', or is it 'That's just not what I choose to do with my time.'
You will not accidentally find yourself in an awesome story. Nature abhors a vacuum, so if you do not take charge and are at least authoring your reactions to the situations around you, let alone the plot points, it is unlikely to have the ending that you want it to have.
You may not get to choose all the events, but you do get to choose what kind of character you will be. Who do you want to be? How will you respond?
One thing I love about creating a story for yourself is it becomes a bank of evidence of how you can overcome.
Whenever I'm having a moment of self-doubt, I go back to a memory of a time where I did something really really hard and I conquered it. One example of that is when I was working towards my Gold Duke of Edinburgh award, and the final thing I had to get ticked off was a 75km+ walk in 4 days. I've never exactly been a gym bunny, so walking 10km in a day is not too much of a bother, but 20km a day? That's a really long way. It was mid-January, a sweltering 28 degrees in the blazing summer sun, with 30kg packs, we slogged up and down the trails for hours and hours each day. It was a beautiful track, but there were many hills and my pack was heavy. My legs were lead, my heels blistered, the heat dizzying. The first day was 19km, the second 16km, the third 25km and the fourth 16km.
The first day, about 2 hours in, I hit the wall. I sat down on the track, had a cry, and eventually realised there was no way out of this mess but through it. As I slogged on and commanded my body to keep going even though it really wanted to stop, I was consistently surprised by how when my mental barriers had been overcome, then the physical barriers were less of a concern.
This was the hardest physical thing I've ever pushed myself to do, but I did it. I take my hat off to people who think that 20km is a walk in the park and happily run that. But for me, in my normal, that was really hard.
And now, when I'm up against anything else that's really tricky, I remember I've been through physically, and emotionally, harder stuff than this, so the likelihood of me weathering this storm is 100% so far.
You too, are stronger than you think. You are powerful beyond measure. You are in control of a great deal of your life. Work out what you can control, and start narrating your story.
While you're next chilling with your bevvie of choice, have a think about these points to ponder:
- Who is writing the story of your life?
- What to do you want?
- Is it worth wanting?
- What am I willing to give up to get it?
- Who do you want to be?
- What do you need to overcome?
- When does the next chapter start?
To put this in a broader perspective, currently we're part of a big story - the Covid-19 epic saga. The thing with stories, is that they change the characters, and people come out different, they don't simply slot back into the same life they had before. Countries can also be considered as characters in this scenario, and there will be some that will have radical social, political and economic overhauls after this I think. But from a macro to micro perspective, this is a point of conflict in all of our stories, and you choose whether your character is going to learn something from this.
You can choose to be the actor, or be acted upon. Which will it be?
“The great tragedy of our lives seems to be that we are smart enough to ask the questions of meaning but too dumb to really figure it out.”
NB: If you have read A Million Miles in A Thousand Years more recently than I have, you'll need to forgive me as I'm going on decade-old memories here.
Extra
Super interesting article about the importance of the stories we tell ourselves.
https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/08/life-stories-narrative-psychology-redemption-mental-health/400796/
Books:
A Million Miles in A Thousand Years: What I Learned from Editing My Life by Donald Miller
Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman
Movies:
Click
(Everything with an epic story ever)
