3am rolls around last night and I woke up, like has been common for the last 3 weeks but never before in my life, I wake up every night and need to pee. I creep to the loo, stealthing for science, and go quietly, slowly there and back.... Lo and behold, she doesn't wake up, which now means every time I go to the toilet in the middle of the night, I need to creep around.
This is one of many instances where it is quite irksome that my efforts have paid off - because there's now a moral imperative to continue that effort.
This occurs in teaching quite often.
'Oh I'll just stay a little later and do this extra prep work' translates to a longer work day but the following day goes oh so smoothly. Am I supposed to have 12 hour days all the time now?
'Oh I'll just stay a little later and do this extra prep work' translates to a longer work day but the following day goes oh so smoothly. Am I supposed to have 12 hour days all the time now?
The 4kg or so I lose in a week - A WEEK - from following the meal plan and exercise regime I've been working towards following since before my wedding but only succeeding in keeping to for fleeting fits and starts is reprehensible, implying that I should be doing that as a way of life not just a spurious effort when the fancy takes me. Obviously I know that you can't continue to lose weight at that rate forever, but still! My effort has paid off and now I'm pissed - that is more effort I'm obliged to put in all the time now.
I've been struggling with being sick a lot lately, so I cut out all alcohol, dairy and sugar for about 3 weeks. My skin is clear, throat less phlegmy and immune system less compromised, rate of recovery improved. Must I now live a hollow sober existence devoid of alcohol, cheese and ice cream? What is even the point in living if this is the case?
There's a small possibility that it might be placebo effect - those things happen because I believe they will happen, because I'm looking for them to happen, but in most unfortunate cases I think that this is not so.
Why do these effortful things have to actually pay off? Surely there are some things that require a lot of effort, but in the long run make things not actually that much better? Do I really have to continue with these boring af things just because they're good for me? Argh.
I've grown up with, and now married, phlegmatic personality types. They accounted for the majority share in our household, and thus, while I'm not naturally that way inclined, it does have a way of rubbing off on you, in the same way my brothers now also appreciate roller coasters, musicals and quality desserts - I taught them well.
These personality types are the kind that prefer to do less rather than more, and err on the side of relaxed, if not downright embracing the laze. They're very pleasant to be around, calm, introverted types, unflappable, but do tend to worry, and their emotional compass usually points towards pessimism.
Their temperament is even keel, middle-of-the-road, easy-going - until they're not. And then they're stubborn, determined, impassioned in their beliefs, idealistic and would like to be a part of making the world a better place, though they would definitely like someone else to lead the charge on that. They detest effort, more so if that effort requires interaction with people. These people are my favourite people to be around when I'm upset because they intuitively understand, they're OK with you not being OK, and they know how to just be; their very presence is like a salve, a balm. They balance out my crazy well, and remind me that it is OK to just chill sometimes.
Their temperament is even keel, middle-of-the-road, easy-going - until they're not. And then they're stubborn, determined, impassioned in their beliefs, idealistic and would like to be a part of making the world a better place, though they would definitely like someone else to lead the charge on that. They detest effort, more so if that effort requires interaction with people. These people are my favourite people to be around when I'm upset because they intuitively understand, they're OK with you not being OK, and they know how to just be; their very presence is like a salve, a balm. They balance out my crazy well, and remind me that it is OK to just chill sometimes.
This personality type, like with any, isn't all sunshine and roses though. Their tendency to worry can manifest as anxiety. Their aversion to effort can turn into full blown laziness, meaning others are left to pick up the slack. They tend towards explanations that are fatalistic, and by that very explanation, castrate their agency over the situation, and somberly accept the outcome as set in stone, whether it be a price on a major purchase, a decision from their boss, a lover's rejection, or a minor setback. These are all signals that clearly this effort was in vain and we'll not be putting in any more effort to this wasted cause, where others would look at it and say 'This is bs, I won't be accepting this outcome, I'll be continuing on.'
Motivating phlegmatics is like trying to coax a cat to come for a walk or convince a toddler to do something they've already said no to - like it could happen, but only if the other party is vaguely willing.
My husband tells me that lazy people are the best people to put in charge of systems as they'll always strive to find the most efficient way of doing things so they can put in the least amount of effort.
These even tempered characters thrive in New Zealand, as I would say the Kiwi culture reinforces these easy-going, unflappable, laid-back types, and I know more than I can count. These beautiful souls have influenced my life in a number of ways, in that I also strive for efficiency where possible, and now also consider if I want to put effort into things. (The difference being my answer is usually yes!)
Whereas my solutions usually involve more effort - go to the gym, eat better food, actually cook that food that we bought, have a budget etc etc, Jared's solutions are usually the ones with the least effort required.
Don't wanna clean? Easy, ignore the mess. Can't be bothered cooking? Let's just have toast, or skip dinner. Don't wanna go to the gym? Simple - most of the problem is crappy eating, just cut out snacks and sugar. Do less, not more.
He doesn't have this problem of being awake at 3-430 am because he didn't do enough exercise to calm his inner Border Collie yesterday. (Need to do a different blog post about how there are physical manifestations of our personality types, but that's another adventure for another time.)
There's is an allure in this 'do less' type philosophy. It is not at all natural to me, so I do struggle with it, and it is not my first response to basically any situation. But I do adore the chill that Jared brings to the equation. Nothing is ever a problem, we basically never fight about anything because he doesn't care about 99% of life's minutia - and he loves that I've usually made a decision for him, or at least whittled it down to 2 options before I consult him.
Phlegmatics are the poster children of 'less is more'. If our planet was entirely populated with phlegmatics, there'd be way less wastage because they live by 'waste not want not', and they wouldn't bother to buy stuff half the time anyway. There'd be no wars, because they're peaceful by nature and war is a bit much like effort. There'd be less worry about excess travel, because of presented with two weeks off, they'd much prefer to have a staycation than have to go to all the trouble of a holiday with the packing and the flights and the different language and the weather and trying to find the hotel and then when you get there, you'll wanna do stuff Lauren, argh.
So being surrounded by this constant malaise towards anything effortful has definitely worn off on me. There is at least a consideration now before putting effort into things willy nilly like once I would've. I now am getting better at saying no to things, I enjoy having more nights in than out in a week, I relish having the house to myself so I can do things like write blog posts.
However sometimes a lack of effort is caustic.
If both people in a friendship are waiting for the other person to make first contact, the friendship fades fast.
If you believe that it's easier to just break up with someone instead of putting in effort to fix a relationship then there's not going to be a relationship for very long.
Jobs will come and go if putting in the effort to hone your craft, or perfect your profession is too much work.
Gardens turn to weed patches. The rolls roll on as one lazes on the couch. Opportunities pass by.
Obviously, there needs to be some effort put in to maintain a life. The thing I like with phlegmatic personalities is they ask 'Is this worth the effort?' If the answer is yes, if you manage to get them out of the house, or to participate in a project or to dance around the living room, then if feels like more of a win because you know, in their perfect world, with anyone else, they wouldn't be doing the thing, but because it's you Lauren, because you asked, then I'll do it. Best compliment ever.
However sometimes a lack of effort is caustic.
If both people in a friendship are waiting for the other person to make first contact, the friendship fades fast.
If you believe that it's easier to just break up with someone instead of putting in effort to fix a relationship then there's not going to be a relationship for very long.
Jobs will come and go if putting in the effort to hone your craft, or perfect your profession is too much work.
Gardens turn to weed patches. The rolls roll on as one lazes on the couch. Opportunities pass by.
Obviously, there needs to be some effort put in to maintain a life. The thing I like with phlegmatic personalities is they ask 'Is this worth the effort?' If the answer is yes, if you manage to get them out of the house, or to participate in a project or to dance around the living room, then if feels like more of a win because you know, in their perfect world, with anyone else, they wouldn't be doing the thing, but because it's you Lauren, because you asked, then I'll do it. Best compliment ever.
I usually don't mind putting in effort, but the phlegmatics in my life have taught me that actually sometimes I should mind.
People saying yes to everything has gotten our society to a number of extremes at the moment, in terms of environmental degradation, in terms of politics, in terms of workplace culture, in terms of life expectations. We've been conditioned to be yes people, be congenial and pleasant, and actually sometimes you need to stop, you need to strike, you need to put things on hold and say actually no, I will not be standing for this.
Interestingly teaching is another example of this. To be a teacher, in NZ anyway, you need to put in an insane amount of effort ALL.THE.TIME. Everything is effortful, and it just becomes what level of effort would you like to put in.
I was a part of the backlash against this expectation to continually keep going, helping organise teacher strikes with NZEI. There is a collective sentiment in New Zealand that there has been too much effort put in by too many teachers for too long, with too little in return and too little acknowledgement of that effort, and enough is enough.
And finally our stopping, our lack of effort, our saying no, has gone a long way to getting some of the things that were asked for. Not all of them by a long shot, but a step in the right direction.
For teachers, the issue is not so much the effort - they're a passionate bunch and generally the lazy ones are weeded out in the first couple of years - the issue is putting effort into things that don't benefit students or teachers, like testing or administrative bullshit that actually takes away from time to teach, and the things that foster a learning environment.
That is why teachers' days can so easily turn into evenings and weekends as well - because finding that maths game can be the difference between little Jonny not knowing and knowing his times tables, or pre-reading that tween novel is the preparedness required to pique the interest of the sporty kid who never sits still long enough to read. And so teachers put in the extra time, because it pays off, because they're passionate about it, because it matters, and because they have learned that if they do not, then their classroom is slightly poorer for it.
But there is a balance to be struck. If you are exhausted from your 16 hour day the day before, or your 70 hour week last week, or your term of 70 hour weeks, then at some point that fatigue starts to affect your presence in the classroom, your energy that you bring with you into the room. Any teacher will tell you that the energy that you bring into the room with you is reflected back to you by the kids. If you are happy, they are more likely to be settled and calm. If you are loud, your class will be loud. If you are anxious and stressed your class will sense that and they will be jittery and unsettled. There's something primal and basic about it, but I have found it to be true.
So sometimes the best thing you can do to help yourself professionally is be well rested. To say no, what I have done is enough, I will take the tried and true maths lesson rather than preparing a new one, and I'm going to go to sleep / for a walk / for a drink / to play a game because actually the single most important thing in the classroom is a happy teacher.
Balance.
I've looked at it every which way, and teaching will always be an effortful profession. I can't fathom a way around that. But in there somewhere, there is an 'enough', there is a just-slightly-more-than-bare-minimum that does allow one to step back and have a life outside of teaching, and still garner excellent results from students. It also allows teachers to save some of that effort for other endeavours.
To do other things that feed your soul. Or to do nothing. A guilt-free nothing.
I struggle with that one.
The main difference I've noticed is that my default energy level is often a lot greater than those around me. It is lessening with age, a bit, but my mum used to complain about Peter and I that she has one she couldn't start and one she couldn't stop.
I fully embraced this cultural idea that being busy is cool.
Having tasted spare time, I now strive towards less, and actively try to do less.
My mum has difficulties with energy levels due to Lupus, and so she talks about limitations of effort to put in. She speaks about it in regard to spoons. The spoon theory goes like this:
If I have a finite amount of time and energy, then I have to budget it like any other resource. If I know that I can do a couple of long days, but then I will be tired, I need to be aware of this and look after myself.
If I know that I value the environment, then what amount of time and energy am I willing to put into to this cause?
If I actually want to be a writer, then how much time and energy do I need to set aside for writing? Because these thing don't just happen by accident.
And worst of all - are these goals compatible? Can I simultaneously be working towards a better world and a cleaner environment, and also be working towards being an awesome writer? Do I have enough time and enough energy to do both?
Presently my writing day is being interrupted by needing to go off and meet with someone about a business assessment matrix that I created to assess how environmentally friendly someone's business is.
I'd say there's not too many people who spend their Sunday nights creating environmental standards for local businesses.
People saying yes to everything has gotten our society to a number of extremes at the moment, in terms of environmental degradation, in terms of politics, in terms of workplace culture, in terms of life expectations. We've been conditioned to be yes people, be congenial and pleasant, and actually sometimes you need to stop, you need to strike, you need to put things on hold and say actually no, I will not be standing for this.
Interestingly teaching is another example of this. To be a teacher, in NZ anyway, you need to put in an insane amount of effort ALL.THE.TIME. Everything is effortful, and it just becomes what level of effort would you like to put in.
I was a part of the backlash against this expectation to continually keep going, helping organise teacher strikes with NZEI. There is a collective sentiment in New Zealand that there has been too much effort put in by too many teachers for too long, with too little in return and too little acknowledgement of that effort, and enough is enough.
And finally our stopping, our lack of effort, our saying no, has gone a long way to getting some of the things that were asked for. Not all of them by a long shot, but a step in the right direction.
For teachers, the issue is not so much the effort - they're a passionate bunch and generally the lazy ones are weeded out in the first couple of years - the issue is putting effort into things that don't benefit students or teachers, like testing or administrative bullshit that actually takes away from time to teach, and the things that foster a learning environment.
That is why teachers' days can so easily turn into evenings and weekends as well - because finding that maths game can be the difference between little Jonny not knowing and knowing his times tables, or pre-reading that tween novel is the preparedness required to pique the interest of the sporty kid who never sits still long enough to read. And so teachers put in the extra time, because it pays off, because they're passionate about it, because it matters, and because they have learned that if they do not, then their classroom is slightly poorer for it.
But there is a balance to be struck. If you are exhausted from your 16 hour day the day before, or your 70 hour week last week, or your term of 70 hour weeks, then at some point that fatigue starts to affect your presence in the classroom, your energy that you bring with you into the room. Any teacher will tell you that the energy that you bring into the room with you is reflected back to you by the kids. If you are happy, they are more likely to be settled and calm. If you are loud, your class will be loud. If you are anxious and stressed your class will sense that and they will be jittery and unsettled. There's something primal and basic about it, but I have found it to be true.
So sometimes the best thing you can do to help yourself professionally is be well rested. To say no, what I have done is enough, I will take the tried and true maths lesson rather than preparing a new one, and I'm going to go to sleep / for a walk / for a drink / to play a game because actually the single most important thing in the classroom is a happy teacher.
Balance.
I've looked at it every which way, and teaching will always be an effortful profession. I can't fathom a way around that. But in there somewhere, there is an 'enough', there is a just-slightly-more-than-bare-minimum that does allow one to step back and have a life outside of teaching, and still garner excellent results from students. It also allows teachers to save some of that effort for other endeavours.
To do other things that feed your soul. Or to do nothing. A guilt-free nothing.
I struggle with that one.
The main difference I've noticed is that my default energy level is often a lot greater than those around me. It is lessening with age, a bit, but my mum used to complain about Peter and I that she has one she couldn't start and one she couldn't stop.
I fully embraced this cultural idea that being busy is cool.
Having tasted spare time, I now strive towards less, and actively try to do less.
My mum has difficulties with energy levels due to Lupus, and so she talks about limitations of effort to put in. She speaks about it in regard to spoons. The spoon theory goes like this:
If I have a finite amount of time and energy, then I have to budget it like any other resource. If I know that I can do a couple of long days, but then I will be tired, I need to be aware of this and look after myself.
If I know that I value the environment, then what amount of time and energy am I willing to put into to this cause?
If I actually want to be a writer, then how much time and energy do I need to set aside for writing? Because these thing don't just happen by accident.
And worst of all - are these goals compatible? Can I simultaneously be working towards a better world and a cleaner environment, and also be working towards being an awesome writer? Do I have enough time and enough energy to do both?
Presently my writing day is being interrupted by needing to go off and meet with someone about a business assessment matrix that I created to assess how environmentally friendly someone's business is.
I'd say there's not too many people who spend their Sunday nights creating environmental standards for local businesses.
However, the feedback on the matrix I created was super positive and the business owner we met with reckons he can get a whole bunch of other local businesses on board with ridding their businesses of plastic. He said it was well set out, and easy to understand.
This is simultaneously brilliant and beleaguering. What I'm doing is, in a very small way, in a very small place, changing the world. But - now I'm obliged to do more.
This is why this feedback loop of putting in effort then having it pay off is sometimes very disappointing. I can't then conclude it doesn't matter. I can't then conclude it's out of my hands. My actions make a difference and a positive difference in this particular set of circumstances and I'm obliged to change my ways.
Now to start on how the accommodation businesses can rid the world of single use plastic.
Sigh.
Sounds a bit too much like effort.
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